So many things I need to say to you...

Found this on youtube today. I've heard it before and liked it then, but I've not listened to the song after Markus' death. Today I did it and it made me cry for a short moment. Because some die young, too young. And when he left this world, he left me with the feelings of emptiness. There's so much I would have wanted to share with him. So many things I need to say to you...


Miss you still <3

No right words

Hello there. I have sad news: my boyfriend died in cancer almost 4 weeks ago. It's so tragic. I'm trying to survive; treat the anxiety, sorrow and the feeling of loneliness. I miss him so much every single day. I love him! <3 R.I.P. dear Markus <3

"There's no right words" a therapist said to me just days after his death. It's such a personal loss. No one else knew him as I did.

Here's a song I've listened to the past few days. It's very sad but means much for me. It doesn't make me happy, but it gives me some kind of understanding and consolation when I think of Markus. You're in my heart, always, my love! <3

My day in photos & new goal

Since I last wrote I've had a good time until this weeks' Wednesday, when it all happened. My boyfriend is seriously ill and is at the hospital. I think about him every single day and the situation is emotionally tough for me. I can't stand it if I loose him. I love him so much <3 My family and friends support me well and I'm thankful for that <3 I take one day at a time.

But to make me feel better and not having to think about the sad things all the time, I want to make a goal for myself: write at least 3 things I'm happy for every day. I won't say for how long, because it depends on how I feel and how I will manage with writing here so often. And if I have a picture or more from the day, I can post them here. Today I have several pics, so I choose only a couple of them.

What was nice today:

1. Take a walk in the sunshine and talk with a good friend on telephone

2. Meeting my boyfriend at the hospital

3. Be at the countryside and experience the nature, calmness and beautiful flowers

4. Meet my brother and his girlfriend again

Pics from today (these are all from the coutryside):

My life right now

My life right now is a roller coaster. It has been like that for a few weeks now. I have days that are fantastic but also other days when I can do nothing else than feel sad. I hope my things will sort out soon. But there's much work (and thinking) to do to come to a point when I love my life and feel well. This will not be fixed in a night.

I try to be positive and focus on other things for a while. Little things that makes me happy. Things that I've forgotten to do in a while and things I do when I'm feeling bad. (And some things I'll avoid, because they does not make me feel any better.)

But something positive happened today anyway: I now know that I might get a summer job. I had my interview today morning and I got a good feeling about it. I could be working a couple of months at a health center working with eldery people. It would be something new for me, a challenge. And I would be happy to meet new people, learn new things and have something to do this summer. In a few weeks I'll know if I've got the job.

So, that's about it. See ya!

Happy hAppy haPPy daY

Today have been a truly wonderful day. Even though I must say yesterday was that too, but not in the same way ;) I've had no school today, so I met my friend Hanna nr. 2 in the afternoon; we exercised at the gym (vi var väldigt duktiga Hanna! :)) and afterwards went for some shopping at H&M and Sokos in Helsinki. I found a beautiful blue top with white dots and a grey-black skirt at H&M. Then Hanna wanted to find some make up, so that's why we spend some time at that section of Sokos. I found a new mascara, which I've been needing for quite a long time already. It was a nice afternoon together :)

In addition to this I were today called for an interview for a summer job. Next week I'll be at the interview and then I know more about it. Hopefully I get the job: keep your fingers crossed for me! :D

Soon I'll go in a warm, hot shower :3 But before that, I'll post something I found recently on the Internet, hehe :D it's about dogs doing their best, but fail. Check it out, you'll laugh out loud! :'D I did! I love especially nr. 6, 12, 17 and 23. Here's the link: funny dogs Which one do you love most of all? :3

Here comes the pics of my purchases:

Selfie (it was really difficult to take the pic so that you would see the whole top! ;))

The same top. (btw it's blue, even though it seems black!)

The mascara by Rimmel. (it was sooo hard to choose between "Extra Super Lash" and "Super WOW Lash" haha ;D)

Sadly I couldn't get a nice shot of the skirt... Tonight I'll wear the new top and test my mascara! Maybe HE will notice! But I'm not sure what to expect; what I heard men usually don't notice without telling them "I've been shopping today" or "look at this!". We'll see... I sure know that I look great with the new purchases! ;)
Have a nice evening!! ;)

New skirt!

Two days ago I picked up my package from the post office nearby. My new skirt from "Me & I" had arrived! :D I'm not really the person who loves to wear skirts, so I was overjoyed when I finally found one that fit me well and that I like to wear :) Yeasterday I used it when I was out eating and meeting one of my best friends. Outside it was sunny but windy. It felt cool to walk around in a skirt in March in Finland. Of course I wore leggings too, but still.

The skirt seen from front.

Yesterdays outfit.

The skirt is so great in many ways! :) I can choose how long it is; how much of my legs do I want to show? ;) and it's possible to wear as a casual clothing or to a party. It may have looked better as black, but it existed only in grey. And grey is pretty neutral, so it should fit with other clothes with different colors :)

Now I have to wait a pretty long time until I can shop again... But whatever, I'm happy that I have a new, great skirt! ;) Have fun!

Sushi and sunny warm weather

The last two days it has felt like Spring is here :3 I love it! It has been so sunny and warmer than it should be at this time of year in Finland. We have no snow left and it feels more and more like Spring. I can't wait to see the small yellow flowers called "Tussilago" (in Swedish), to come! That's the first sign of Spring in southern Finland. After that I want to see the blue flowers called "Blåsippor" and white flowers "Vitsippor" in the small forrest nearby.

Yesterday I was eating sushi at a restaurant called "Tokyo 55" in Helsinki. I was there with my mother and my big brother who had chosen the place. It's been a while since I last ate sushi, so it was nice and refreshing to eat this Japanese meal again. I think my big brother has missed eating it ;) (because he ate sushi like all the time when he was staying in Japan last year). I was surprised by how big the restaurant was and how yummy the meal tasted :) I'll visit this restaurant again sometime!

My sushi meal :)

This morning I've been truly lazy :D but after that I went for a walk with my boyfriend in Hietaniemi and it was such a nice, sunny walk in a beautiful environment. The wind was hard, but the sun was lovely and made the walk perfect :) I want to make this kind of walks again, it feels so good and I explore/get to know new places :)


Have a good Sunday! :) Tomorrow it's back to school, so take it easy today ;)