So many things I need to say to you...

Found this on youtube today. I've heard it before and liked it then, but I've not listened to the song after Markus' death. Today I did it and it made me cry for a short moment. Because some die young, too young. And when he left this world, he left me with the feelings of emptiness. There's so much I would have wanted to share with him. So many things I need to say to you...


Miss you still <3

No right words

Hello there. I have sad news: my boyfriend died in cancer almost 4 weeks ago. It's so tragic. I'm trying to survive; treat the anxiety, sorrow and the feeling of loneliness. I miss him so much every single day. I love him! <3 R.I.P. dear Markus <3

"There's no right words" a therapist said to me just days after his death. It's such a personal loss. No one else knew him as I did.

Here's a song I've listened to the past few days. It's very sad but means much for me. It doesn't make me happy, but it gives me some kind of understanding and consolation when I think of Markus. You're in my heart, always, my love! <3

My day in photos & new goal

Since I last wrote I've had a good time until this weeks' Wednesday, when it all happened. My boyfriend is seriously ill and is at the hospital. I think about him every single day and the situation is emotionally tough for me. I can't stand it if I loose him. I love him so much <3 My family and friends support me well and I'm thankful for that <3 I take one day at a time.

But to make me feel better and not having to think about the sad things all the time, I want to make a goal for myself: write at least 3 things I'm happy for every day. I won't say for how long, because it depends on how I feel and how I will manage with writing here so often. And if I have a picture or more from the day, I can post them here. Today I have several pics, so I choose only a couple of them.

What was nice today:

1. Take a walk in the sunshine and talk with a good friend on telephone

2. Meeting my boyfriend at the hospital

3. Be at the countryside and experience the nature, calmness and beautiful flowers

4. Meet my brother and his girlfriend again

Pics from today (these are all from the coutryside):

My life right now

My life right now is a roller coaster. It has been like that for a few weeks now. I have days that are fantastic but also other days when I can do nothing else than feel sad. I hope my things will sort out soon. But there's much work (and thinking) to do to come to a point when I love my life and feel well. This will not be fixed in a night.

I try to be positive and focus on other things for a while. Little things that makes me happy. Things that I've forgotten to do in a while and things I do when I'm feeling bad. (And some things I'll avoid, because they does not make me feel any better.)

But something positive happened today anyway: I now know that I might get a summer job. I had my interview today morning and I got a good feeling about it. I could be working a couple of months at a health center working with eldery people. It would be something new for me, a challenge. And I would be happy to meet new people, learn new things and have something to do this summer. In a few weeks I'll know if I've got the job.

So, that's about it. See ya!

Happy hAppy haPPy daY

Today have been a truly wonderful day. Even though I must say yesterday was that too, but not in the same way ;) I've had no school today, so I met my friend Hanna nr. 2 in the afternoon; we exercised at the gym (vi var väldigt duktiga Hanna! :)) and afterwards went for some shopping at H&M and Sokos in Helsinki. I found a beautiful blue top with white dots and a grey-black skirt at H&M. Then Hanna wanted to find some make up, so that's why we spend some time at that section of Sokos. I found a new mascara, which I've been needing for quite a long time already. It was a nice afternoon together :)

In addition to this I were today called for an interview for a summer job. Next week I'll be at the interview and then I know more about it. Hopefully I get the job: keep your fingers crossed for me! :D

Soon I'll go in a warm, hot shower :3 But before that, I'll post something I found recently on the Internet, hehe :D it's about dogs doing their best, but fail. Check it out, you'll laugh out loud! :'D I did! I love especially nr. 6, 12, 17 and 23. Here's the link: funny dogs Which one do you love most of all? :3

Here comes the pics of my purchases:

Selfie (it was really difficult to take the pic so that you would see the whole top! ;))

The same top. (btw it's blue, even though it seems black!)

The mascara by Rimmel. (it was sooo hard to choose between "Extra Super Lash" and "Super WOW Lash" haha ;D)

Sadly I couldn't get a nice shot of the skirt... Tonight I'll wear the new top and test my mascara! Maybe HE will notice! But I'm not sure what to expect; what I heard men usually don't notice without telling them "I've been shopping today" or "look at this!". We'll see... I sure know that I look great with the new purchases! ;)
Have a nice evening!! ;)

New skirt!

Two days ago I picked up my package from the post office nearby. My new skirt from "Me & I" had arrived! :D I'm not really the person who loves to wear skirts, so I was overjoyed when I finally found one that fit me well and that I like to wear :) Yeasterday I used it when I was out eating and meeting one of my best friends. Outside it was sunny but windy. It felt cool to walk around in a skirt in March in Finland. Of course I wore leggings too, but still.

The skirt seen from front.

Yesterdays outfit.

The skirt is so great in many ways! :) I can choose how long it is; how much of my legs do I want to show? ;) and it's possible to wear as a casual clothing or to a party. It may have looked better as black, but it existed only in grey. And grey is pretty neutral, so it should fit with other clothes with different colors :)

Now I have to wait a pretty long time until I can shop again... But whatever, I'm happy that I have a new, great skirt! ;) Have fun!

Sushi and sunny warm weather

The last two days it has felt like Spring is here :3 I love it! It has been so sunny and warmer than it should be at this time of year in Finland. We have no snow left and it feels more and more like Spring. I can't wait to see the small yellow flowers called "Tussilago" (in Swedish), to come! That's the first sign of Spring in southern Finland. After that I want to see the blue flowers called "Blåsippor" and white flowers "Vitsippor" in the small forrest nearby.

Yesterday I was eating sushi at a restaurant called "Tokyo 55" in Helsinki. I was there with my mother and my big brother who had chosen the place. It's been a while since I last ate sushi, so it was nice and refreshing to eat this Japanese meal again. I think my big brother has missed eating it ;) (because he ate sushi like all the time when he was staying in Japan last year). I was surprised by how big the restaurant was and how yummy the meal tasted :) I'll visit this restaurant again sometime!

My sushi meal :)

This morning I've been truly lazy :D but after that I went for a walk with my boyfriend in Hietaniemi and it was such a nice, sunny walk in a beautiful environment. The wind was hard, but the sun was lovely and made the walk perfect :) I want to make this kind of walks again, it feels so good and I explore/get to know new places :)


Have a good Sunday! :) Tomorrow it's back to school, so take it easy today ;)

Visiting Stockholm

This week has been awesome in many ways :) I've had holiday from school (school continues in a few days), I've had time to just laze at home, and I've been on a cruise to Stockholm, Sweden, with  my friends Hanna nr. 1 & 2. The trip was short but lovely :) We went to the Royal Palace of Stockholm and had a guide to  show us around and tell about the history. But the castle is so huge, we only had time (and strength :-p) to see a small part of it. My first time inside the castle and it was cool, even though I know my friends were more amazed to be there than I was ;)

The Palace from back.

Inside the Palace. Actually it was forbidden to take pics, so this is the only one I took.

And back in Helsinki. The pic is taken from the boat.

We had time to shop a bit in the city, but I had to be economical, because I'm short of money. On the ferry I bought plenty of candy home to my family and to my boyfriend. When I came home yesterday and gave the sweets my family ate the most of it ;) My boyfriend was overjoyed to get the candy he had asked me to bring :D and he was happy to see me too :3 We had missed each other.

Tonight I'll read and take it easy, maybe even watch a film. I'll go downstairs to the sauna and relax in the heat :3 I should also make some homework. Let's see what I'll do.

Have fun! :)

A day with just you & me

Yesterday was a day to celebrate again: me and my boyfriend have been together for six months! <3 It feels weird that it has been such a long time already, but at the same time it feels like I've known him longer than a half year.

We didn't celebrate in such a great way, but it was lovely just to be together for over 24 hours. We watched the icehockey games, played cards, chilled and ate cake :) Even though it was our 6 months' day, we didn't have to celebrate it in an other way than this. I'm happy how the day turned out! :) You don't always have to celebrate with big parties or by going out, I just think the most important thing is to be together and have fun :)

Now it's just to read, read and read for exams next week... Not that nice, but sure it's interesting books! Just one week of school and then I have one week of holiday, yay! Something to look forward to ;)

Valentine's day

Heart-shaped pastries.

My Valentine's day started with early morning and work on a kindergarten in Helsinki. Someone was sick and I came there to help as an substitute. The days' theme at kindergarten was "We are all friends with each other". We even sang together with the children: "It's nice to have a friend... you are my friend, I am your friend...It's nice to have a friend..." cute! :3

After work I went directly to my boyfriend to celebrate the special day with him. He had really made an great effort to surprise me: he'd made food and a cute card for me :3 <3 The evening was lovely; simply just by eating and chilling together. Then we watched the Olympic Icehockey game Finland-Norway, which Finland won 6-1 yay! :) I'm not such a fan of icehockey but I agreed to watch the game because it was so important for him. Hehee... I fell asleep at the last 15 minutes of the game... :-P (Sorry, I've been 8h at work and I'm tired!) But he woke me up just after the game ended, so it wasn't that bad for him.

But this was my first Valentine's day date. So it felt special. And I'm happy he made a great effort to make it perfect! :) Hope you had a nice Valentine's day too! :)

Stressful school

Yesterday I got frustrated when I noticed that I've totally forgotten about a tent in three weeks! I hadn't written it down in my calendar, and now let's see, I have three tents in a row! The first one 26th February, the second 27th and the third 28th... Argh! >:( How will I manage to read all the books to these?!?

Remember that I wrote just a few days ago that I feel like I'm ahead of the others in my class, but now I feel the stress. I've just finnished reading one of them, but as a total it's five books I have to manage to read. And I don't even have the other books in my hands yet. I have to wait for the others to read them and give them back to the libraries, so that I can borrow them then. Not fun.

Sorry, for not spreading the joy of school life, but this is how I feel now. It's usually so nice to study, but sometimes I have these days. I know it's not going to help to think this way. I will change that. Think positive and read, that's what I'll do for the rest of this month.


PS: I'm not always this negative, here's a song that I found on Spotify just a few days ago, it makes me happy. Gives me hope :)

Colors inspires me!

A few days ago I read something at my desk in my room. I was daydreaming for a while and my gaze stopped at something on the windowsill: a figure or statyette with a birthday card in the background. I suddenly noticed that the colors fit together so well! I was excited and eager to test photographing them together. So here's the result and I have to say I love what I've created:

I see the figure as an angel with the heart on the right place...

... which leads me right in life :) <3

Anyone there?

Hey! Sorry, I've been out a while... I've not had the inspiration or time to write here for over a half year. Sorry about that. Now I want to try again. Maybe I'll start a new blog, who knows... ;)

What has happened since last time? I've started studying in my new school, I nowadays have a cute boyfriend and I've turned 21 a few weeks ago. Last weekend I had a party: celebrated with my friends, which was so fun! Loved it! <3 :)

My everyday life keeps going on FAST! Time runs so frickin' fast! That's why I've started reading for my tests which are in the end of this month. It feels like I'm way ahead of the others from my class when I've started reading the books so soon, but February is a short month, only 28 days :-P And then here's March, April and we have spring, yeah! :D

Shortly about school: I've made new friends, and my courses are really interesting. I'm sooo glad I chose this university and subject! For those who doesn't know; I'm studying to become a kindergarten teacher in Helsinki, Finland.

A typical day for me is: school, then come home to my parents and brothers. Make homework/read books, facebook, eat with my family and afterwards meet my boyfriend M. at his place. We usually watch tv together, chill and eat. On weekends we do also other stuff. I would like to play tennis with him sometime soon. Eeeh, where were I? Yes, after watching tv together we usually fall asleep. Or actually he usually fall asleep :-P

Then I have those days when I don't meet him at all. Like today. Those days it feels like I have so much leisure time (sometimes very much alone time) so that I feel restless and doesn't always know what to do with all the extra time.

Today I've had school,  met Hanna nr. 2; we ate at school then she went home and I went to the library to read in a school book. When I came home we ate pizza and since that I've not done so much. Soon in a hot shower, aaah :3 and then to bed! Tomorrow I'll have a 6h school day... Twice as long as today, not fun!

C ya some time soon! :)